Sin for Love Read online

  Our clothes arrived and I threw on my jeans and shirt, running out of the room with my shoes in my hand. I couldn’t wait for the elevator, so I ran down the stairs, through the lobby, and straight into a cab that was parked on the curb. Reese couldn’t get down the stairs as fast as I could because of his ankle, but I couldn’t wait for him. Abigail couldn’t wait for him.

  I told the cabbie the address to the school, handed him a hundred-dollar bill, and asked him to break every law he needed to in order to get there fast. After a quick explanation that my niece was there alone, he ran every red light we came upon. It only took us ten minutes to get there when it should have taken more than twenty.

  The cabbie pulled over and jumped out of the cab with me to look for her. We split up and each took one side of the school in case she was on one of the side playgrounds. I turned the first corner and she wasn’t there so I kept going. After taking the second corner, I was in the back of the school. I skidded to a stop when I saw her sitting on the swing with her head hung low, her long blond hair hiding her face.

  I held my hand up to signal to the cabbie, who had come around the other corner, that we had found her and to thank him for helping me get to her. After a sigh of relief, I walked over to her and sat in the swing next to her, ready for the tongue lashing of my life.

  She was digging the toes of her favorite sparkly shoes into the sand at her feet when she said, “You were apposed to be here when I got out of school, and that was forever ago. Where were you, Auntie?”

  Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn’t think of how to even begin to explain. I pulled her swing close to mine, wrapped my arms around her, and said, “I’m sorry, Abbs. So sorry.”

  I was sobbing on her shoulder before she pulled back and said. “Don’t worry, Auntie. I’m a big girl and it is okay. We won’t even tell Mom and Dad. It will be our little secret. Now let’s go get you some ice cream!”

  Reese kept calling so I sent him a text letting him know that I’d found her and she was safe. Abigail hopped off her swing and held her tiny hand out to me. I tucked her hand in mine and we went to get ice cream. She had chocolate chip mint and I had triple chocolate fudge. She had just passed out in an ice cream coma on the couch when Emily and Kurt got home. They told me about their dance class and I caught a cab home.

  I didn’t know if it was out of guilt or just not knowing what to say to him, but I didn’t answer the phone when Reese called later that night. He kept calling, and it didn’t seem like he was going to stop, so I took the chicken-shit route. I turned my phone off and went to bed.

  Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight. I closed my eyes tight, breathed in the smell of popcorn mixed with the sweet smell of spun sugar, and wished as hard as I could to meet a boy who would love me forever. Just then, I felt a body slam into me and I fell to the ground.

  When I looked up, I saw him towering over me. He had the most beautiful face I had ever seen, and he was leaning down toward me, asking me something. I shook my head to clear my ears. When I looked back up, he held his hand out to help me up, and said, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

  I sat straight up in bed, my breathing labored as I tried to piece apart real memories from false ones. I remembered falling down that night. I had the scrape on my knee to remind me for about three weeks. Was my mind playing crazy tricks on me now that I knew Reese had been there that night? I closed my eyes and fragments of the dream started dancing across my mind.

  I let out a hysterical laugh, looked up to the ceiling, and said aloud, “If this is your way of telling me that my wish has finally come true, it isn’t funny.” I’d stopped believing in happily ever after that night. The night Ruby had been taken away from me.

  I didn’t get much sleep the rest of the night. When I closed my eyes, the dream began to repeat itself. Every time, I woke up with the sound of his voice echoing in my ears. I turned on my phone long enough to call in sick to work the next night, telling Sam that I was just feeling under the weather but I’d be all right. Then I turned my phone right back off. There goes a mark against my otherwise perfect attendance record. I’d never missed a shift since I’d started, but I just couldn’t pull myself out of bed yet.

  I wasn’t done torturing myself with the what-ifs that could have happened to Abigail yesterday. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was also hiding from Reese, but I just couldn’t see him yet. I’d abandoned Abigail because I had been with him. I’d ignored her calls because I had been with him. I was afraid that if I saw him before I was ready I would blame him. I also wanted to ask him if he remembered knocking a skinny girl with pigtails over that night, but most of all, I was afraid of his answer. Reese had told me that he believed that everything happened for a reason. Could I go from years of believing that I had abandoned Ruby by making that stupid wish to believing that my last wish had come true?

  After another sleepless night, I got up and had a date with my Keurig. I swear he yelled at me for being gone for so long, but we made up quickly as he brewed me a perfect cup. I checked my phone and found that Reese had stopped calling. I hadn’t had any more voicemails or text messages come through since I had turned it off.

  I went on Facebook for a while and found out that Cindy, a girl I'd known from high school, was pregnant with her fifth child, I had a new friend request from someone I had never met, and I had been poked by DaShaun. I checked my email to find that I had been pre-qualified for a car loan from Mark Wade Subaru and that I had won the Nigerian lottery. All I had to do was wire money to an account to bribe the banker to release my lotto winnings to me. Fucking great. I am going to be a millionaire.

  I set my phone down just in time to hear the familiar rumble of a bike that set my nerves on edge. I leaned toward the window to get a good look, telling myself that if it was Reese, it would be a sign that I should call him. I practically had my face smashed against the window when I saw the bike come into view. Sure enough, it was Reese. I would have recognized that bike anywhere. But what I couldn't wrap my mind around was why he had another woman on the back with her arms wrapped around him and his hand on her thigh when they stopped at the light.

  "Who is that bitch banger and what the fuck is she doing on Reese's bike?" I asked aloud. "And why the fuck is he touching her thigh?"

  I picked up my phone and dialed his number. If the guy on the bike doesn't answer then I’m wrong and it isn't Reese. I stood at the window with the phone to my ear and my hand against the glass. Please don't answer. Please don't answer. Ring. He moved his hand from her thigh to reach inside of his jacket. Ring. He looked at the display. Ring. He pulled the bike over to the side of the street when the light turned green. Ring. He put the phone up to his ear and I heard him say, “Tessa, I was so worried about you."

  Then I hung up. When I saw the man on the bike pull the phone away from his ear and look up toward my building, I threw my phone on the ground, instantly shattering the screen, and then I stomped on it—repeatedly. When I couldn't see past the tears in my eyes, I slumped down to the floor next to the broken pieces of my phone that looked like how my heart felt.

  Shattered

  “Tessa”

  I guessed that our time together really had an expiration date on it. And Reese sure didn’t take any time finding someone else to spend his time with while he was here. For all I knew, he had fucked someone else while I had been flying back from California all hopped up on valium and champagne. Does he put everyone he to fuck up in first class? I wondered if ‘employee situation’ was code for booty call? Oh my god, is he a pimp? I mean, pimps have hookers for ‘employees,’ right?

  I started talking out loud. “Or is it possible that she was just a friend? Oh, she could be his sister!” He never said he had a sister. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have one! Or maybe she’s just an old aunt he was driving to the store. I mean, maybe he had to have his hand on her leg because she was so old a
nd she wouldn’t have been able to stay on the bike. She had a helmet on so I didn’t see her face, so that could be true, right?” Yeah, I guess in some twisted reality, Reese has an aunt who wears designer jeans, high heels, and leather jackets. But guess what, you’ll never know because you smashed your fucking phone and can’t call him.

  Arrrghhh! I was going crazy and talking to myself now. Tessa, you talk to yourself all the time. This isn’t anything new. I let out a frustrated scream and wished Raegan were here. She would be able to talk some sense into me. At least I’d have someone to talk to other than myself.

  You know, two can play at this game, Tessa. Why don’t you just call Jay? You know he would be here in about two-point-five seconds. “That’s the first good idea you’ve had all night. Um, wait… I kinda smashed my phone to bits. I can’t exactly call him.” Duh, that’s why they invented Facebook, dummy.

  Sure enough, Jay was logged into Facebook messenger and was more than happy to hear from me. He was working the morning shift but would be over right after he was off. That gave me just enough time for a decent shagging before I had to go to work. I wasn’t about to call out two nights in a row.

  I swept up the aftermath of my assault on my phone and did some laundry. By the time Jay knocked on the door, my apartment was sparking clean. I let him in and closed the door behind him. I didn’t really know anything about Jay other than what I read in all of his annoying posts that I skimmed over on Facebook.

  We’d met in line when we were both buying groceries at midnight about two years ago when he bumped me with his cart. We’d fucked for the first time about twenty minutes after that in the back of his car. I had thanked him for the romp but he’d proposed that we swap numbers just in case we needed a fix.

  Jay had come straight from work so he was still dressed in black slacks, a white shirt, and a white tie. Apparently he was still living the dream serving tables at Olive Garden four days a week. As soon as he walked through the door, he started undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He shuffled plates of fat-laden carbs to people all day, but it was obvious that he didn’t eat the stuff. Hello abs! Now this was just what I needed to help me get on with my life.

  Jay’s shirt hit the floor, and he pulled mine over my head, exposing my breasts. He cupped one as he began laying hot kisses on my neck. He slipped his hand under my gym shorts, and when he reached between my legs, I heard Reese’s voice in my head. “This belongs to me.” I stumbled back and pushed away from Jay, shocked from how clear Reese’s voice had been. It was like he had whispered in my ear. This wasn’t going to work.

  Covering my breasts, I picked Jay’s shirt up from the floor, handed it to him, and said, “I’m sorry, Jay. I can’t do this. It was a mistake for me to ask you over and I’m really sorry for wasting your time.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder and directed him out the door. He never even said a word. I hoped the poor guy found someone to relieve the blueness I had just caused in his balls. I’d have to go find BOB to take the edge off.

  Wanting to get out of my apartment and clear my head, I quickly got dressed, grabbed my keys, and set out to get some fresh air. When I exited my building, I knew there was only once place for me to go. I needed to go talk to Ruby.

  It was a pretty nice day out, just a little overcast, so I took my time walking to the cemetery. Though it felt like Ruby was with me most of the time, it had been a while since I’d gone to talk to her alone. A sliver of guilt ran up my spine when I walked through the gate. When we visited for her birthday, we’d take care of all of the grass that had been creeping around her headstone, and the groundskeepers had cleared away the flowers that Mom and Dad had left. I saw how empty and cold it looked and instantly wished I would have stopped to get her more. After scolding myself for not being more thoughtful, I kicked off my flip-flops, sat down on the soft grass, and crossed my legs.

  “Hey, bitch. Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve come to visit. Hope you are giving them hell up there,” I said, giving Ruby one of my usual greetings.

  I fell quiet for a bit because I didn’t know how to start. I didn’t know how to tell her that the wish I’d been making when she walked away had come true. That I’d run into Reese, literally, for the first time while the man had been dragging her off into the trees. That after all these years I had found Reese again or what he’d done for her that night and what it had cost him.

  Telling Ruby the story would be admitting that I’d opened up my heart to this man who’d held it, breathed life into it, and then shattered it. It would make it real, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real.

  I started picking at the grass, pulling it bit by bit to make a pile, and said, “You wouldn’t believe what I had to do the other day at work. It was so gross, Ruby! Cherry didn’t show up again for the millionth time and I had to do her dance. I had to shove my fucking tits into cherry pie. On stage. In front of people! It totally ruined pie for me. I’ll never be able to eat it again.”

  I told Ruby about the assembly we had given to the school this year and that Alayna was finally coming home soon. I fell silent again when I ran out of stuff to say to keep from saying what I had come here for. Knowing that I couldn’t put it off any longer, I took a deep breath and told her everything.

  “I don’t know how it happened, Ruby. I never wanted to fall in love with him, but I couldn’t say no. If I didn’t have that stupid obsession with wishing on stars, I would have never made that fucking wish. I wouldn’t have abandoned you and you would still be here. I wouldn’t have this fucking pain in my chest. I wouldn’t be shattered.” I hung my head, letting my hair fall around my face to shield my tears that were running down my cheeks from the world. My words were coming out in sobs now. “I’m so sorry, Ruby.”

  Tequila-O's

  “Tessa”

  I was going to go crazy from being cooped up in my apartment, so after a few minutes with BOB, I quickly showered and decided to do my hair and makeup at work. When I got to work, I had about an hour and a half before I had to go on—just enough time to get ready. I ran into Heather, one of The Kittens, backstage just as I got there.

  “Tessa, I’m so glad you’re feeling better! We have a packed house tonight. The tips are going to be fucking awesome!”

  After a quick hug, she went on her way and I walked over to the edge of the stage to get a peek. As I pulled back the curtain, I saw him. I saw Reese sitting right there at one of the front tables, nursing a beer. I watched him take a slow pull from the beer bottle and remembered the feel of his mouth on me. Just the thought made my clit swell and pulse a little. He put down the bottle and was tearing a paper napkin into tiny pieces. His head was down and he had his brow creased, staring at the growing pile on the table.

  Movement a few feet away from him caught my attention and I saw her—the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She had long, wavy red hair that hung down to her perfect ass. She was wearing tight skinny jeans and a strapless green corset top that emphasized her small waist and large breasts. As she turned, I saw amazing ink—black and gray wings that covered her back and wrapped around her shoulders.

  As I was imagining pulling on the silk ribbons that held her top tight, exposing her breasts and running my lips across her bare nipples, she walked up to Reese’s table, kissed his cheek, and sat down in the empty chair next to him. Fucking bitch! I felt my claws come out. When he smiled, leaned in, and whispered in her ear, it was like being hit by a Mack truck and the air was sucked out of my lungs.

  She picked up the cocktail that was sitting on the table and I realized that she must have been the woman who had been on the back of his bike. The woman he had found to replace me. And he had brought her here. Why? I thought. To watch my show? Or to show me that it was over? The only thing I knew for sure was that the cracks in my heart were splitting open.

  Reese’s head turned toward me and our eyes connected. The look on his face told me that he wasn’t surprised to see me watching them. He was challenging
me, daring me to confront him. I started pulling the curtain open further so I could do just that when I felt a large hand on my arm yanking me backstage. The hand dragged me for a few feet until I came skidding to a stop. I turned around and looked into DaShaun’s face.

  “Whoa there, Tessa. What do you think you are doing? There’s a dance going on right now and you were just about to step out onto the stage.”

  “He’s out there, DaShaun!” I said, pointing towards the stage like he should know who I was talking about “He’s out there with her!”

  Tears were welling in my eyes, and I was begging DaShaun to understand, to let me do something about it. But his hand just tightened on my arm and he morphed into bouncer mode like I was some loony who needed to get thrown out of the club. But I guessed that was what I must have looked like to him. Like some chick who was ready to throw down. If he let you go, would you throw down or throw her down? I know what was going through your head when you were looking at her before she sat down next to Reese. Realizing that my inner voice was right, I wanted to punch Reese and fuck her at the same time.

  DaShaun pulled me through the backstage area to the dressing rooms and planted me on a chair in front of my mirror. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, Tessa, and I’m not going to say anything to anyone. But you need to get your shit together so you can go on stage.”

  His hushed words calmed me down a little.