Sin for Love Read online

  “Thanks for always having my back, DaShaun,” I said. He nodded and walked out of the dressing room.

  He was right. I had to dance, and I didn’t need these feelings coursing through my body, making my blood boil, for two different reasons right now. I didn’t have time to try to understand what was going on in my heart.

  Just then, my head snapped up and I stared into the mirror. “Fuck me,” I whispered as I realized that this was what jealousy felt like. I’ve never felt like this before. What has Reese done to me?

  “Reese”

  The look on Tessa’s face when I saw her staring at Jessica and me sitting together told me all I needed to know. She was jealous, but the rage behind her eyes told me that I might have taken this too far. I would have liked to take this slower, give us more time. But I knew that taking my time with her could cause her to slip through my fingers. I’d never gotten to this point before and was treading into uncharted water. Hot water by the looks of it. But I had to keep going. I had to let this play out no matter what the consequences might be. I had to because she needed me, just like I needed her. I hoped that one day she would understand. That she would forgive me. That she would still love me in the end.

  Thinking back to my short time with Jessica, we’d only made it about a week, and Myles had thanked me after because he’d sure had a good time with her. But for some reason I didn’t really understand, Jessica and I had stayed in touch and remained good friends. I knew that she was just the girl for the job when it came to Tessa and had been relieved when I’d called her and she’d agreed to fly up for the week.

  Even though things hadn’t worked out between us, she understood and believed in what I was doing. She was the most supportive friend I had. When we made our plans for this week, we’d discussed the possibility that they could end our friendship forever and she had told me that she would rather lose me to my soul mate than keep me without one. As much as I believed her, I also knew that she was excited for what might come later this evening. Jessica had brought it up again and we’d been discussing it quietly when I saw Tessa’s beautiful face peeking out from behind the curtain.

  The lights went out and we heard the announcement come over the speakers followed by the beat of Tessa’s song.

  I leaned in toward Jessica and whispered, “Here she comes,” just as the door burst open and Tessa came onto the stage.

  “Reese, you told me she was beautiful but you really didn’t do her justice,” Jessica responded in my ear.

  We watched Tessa dance and I knew she was really putting everything she had into it, showing me what I was missing out on. When she came to the front of the stage, she pinned me with her eyes and moved her body the way she knew I liked. It hurt knowing that she thought I was here with Jessica. But Tessa would understand—or at least I hoped she would soon.

  When the cold water came crashing down on Tessa, soaking her shirt and making her perfect pink nipples hard, I felt Jessica’s hand tighten just above my knee. Either this evening was going to go very well or very badly. As soon as Tessa stepped behind the curtain to go backstage, Jessica and I stood and left quickly. We had to get out of there before she came out for her after-dance drink.

  “Tessa”

  I ripped off my wet clothes, quickly combed my hair, and used a towel to keep from dripping all over the place. I threw on my black robe, tying it as I rushed toward the door. I need a drink, and I need it now. The first thing that I noticed when I stepped out onto the floor was that Reese and the woman were gone. The only thing left at their table was a beer and a cocktail glass that were still half full.

  That’s how I tried to look at the world—like the cup was half full. But right now, in this moment, with my heart breaking, the cup wasn’t half full anymore. It had been smashed and all of the liquid was running out.

  When I got to the bar, Sam had lined up three shots for me. “Tessa, I don’t know what’s going on with you. But the way you danced tonight told me you were going to need this,” she said as she set the almost empty bottle of Jose next to my shots.

  I took the first three shots in a row before slipping the lime wedge into my mouth. Then I took a long pull straight from the bottle. “Thanks, Sam. You are a good friend,” I replied, and she went on to help her other customers.

  A couple more good pulls on the bottle and it was empty. But it did nothing to quell the fire that was burning in my chest. If anything, it spurred it on, coaxing the flames to grow until they were threatening to consume me. You could just go to his hotel room and confront him, you know. That simple thought was all I needed to send me into action. I raced backstage, threw off my robe, and put on my jeans, t-shirt, and shoes before running out the back door and into the back alley.

  The hotel Reese had been staying at was only a few blocks away from The Happy Valley, and I could get there faster on foot than if I waited for a cab. It was September now, and late summer nights in the desert could get a little chilly. My skin was still damp from the show and my hair was still wet. My thin t-shirt wasn’t doing much to keep me warm, so I was thankful that the heat and courage from the tequila hadn’t worn off yet.

  In the elevator ride to his floor, my heart started pounding with the thoughts of what I might find when he opened the door. Would I be interrupting them in bed? Is his head between her thighs? Is he fucking her like he fucked me? Steeling my nerves against the possibilities, I stepped off the elevator and began walking down the hall to his room.

  When I reached the door, I didn’t hesitate. I pounded on it, probably harder than I really needed to, but I wanted to be sure they heard me and didn’t think I had it in me to knock more than once. A moment later, I heard footsteps walking toward the door, and I took a deep breath, ready to face whatever I found.

  But I wasn’t ready for it. Not at all. What I saw when the door opened stole my breath from me. For it hadn’t been Reese’s footsteps I had heard coming to open the door. It had been the footsteps of the beautiful woman he had been with. She stood in the doorway for a brief moment before she reached for my hand and pulled me inside, quickly closing the door behind me.

  She was still wearing the green corset top and jeans but had kicked her high heels off by the door, like she was comfortable here. I was trying to think of how many nights Reese could have been here alone, but really not alone, since I had been first here. How many times she could have been here. What she could be to him. But I couldn’t wrap my mind fully around a complete thought.

  “Reese isn’t here, ya know. He left when the front desk called and told us you were on your way up,” she said, bringing my attention back up to her luscious red lips.

  “He left so he didn’t have to explain you to me, huh?” I asked her.

  She walked up to stand directly in front of me. We were almost the same height and our eyes were on the same level, her breasts almost touching mine. “No, sweetie. He left so I could be alone with you. If you want him to come back, all we have to do is call him, but that is your decision to make.”

  My heart was pounding in my ears, and I couldn’t understand what she could be talking about. Why would Reese leave so I could be alone with her?

  Confusion must have shown in my face because she continued. “I’m not here for Reese. I’m here for you. Here, let me show you.” Then she quickly put her hand behind my neck, pulled me toward her, and placed her red lips to mine.

  Understanding hit me as she pulled back and looked into my eyes, her green ones begging me to accept her. She was there for me, not for Reese. Is this his way of telling me that he respects this side of me, the part of me that is attracted to women? My heart leapt up into my throat as relief washed over me. He hadn’t replaced me. He had just found a way to show me that he understood me. Actions speak louder than words, and his were screaming acceptance and understanding from the top of the tallest building.

  I must have let too many moments rush by as I was putting the pieces of the story—and my heart—together because she
looked down, took a step back, and sadly said, “I told Reese that there was a chance I wouldn’t be your type, but he didn’t want to believe me. I guess I was right.”

  “No, you are fucking beautiful. I just, well… I just thought that he had replaced me with you and that he had shown up at my show to rub you in my face.” I laughed at the irony of the words before I said, “I guess he had a different kind of rubbing you in my face in mind.” We both laughed and I relaxed until the only tension in the air was the type that was making my panties wet.

  We stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before she said, “My name is Jessica by the way. Would you like a shot? I have your favorite right over here by the couch.”

  I looked over, saw a full bottle of Jose sitting on the coffee table, and laughed. “He told you about the Tequila-O’s, huh?”

  “Yes, but I have an idea that might make them taste even better”—she took my hand and led me over to sit on the couch next to her—“but you’re going to have to trust me, okay?” she asked while cutting one slice of lime and pouring two shots of tequila. Following Jessica’s lead, I picked up my salted shot glass and raised it in the air for a toast. “I toast to you, Tessa, and to making it this far,” she said. Her toast didn’t make sense to me but I clinked my glass with hers and we both took our shots.

  I reached to grab a slice of lime, but she had only cut one—and it was halfway in her mouth. She leaned forward and allowed me to take the other half into my mouth. I bit down to let the sourness fill my mouth with my lips pressed against hers. Her version of Tequila-O’s really was better. We ended our lime-filled kiss and Jessica poured another round of shots, once again only cutting one slice of lime. Jessica held up her shot in the air and nodded at me, indicating that it was my turn to say a toast.

  “I toast to you, Jessica, and to making Tequila-O’s better than ever!” I said and we once again took our shots and shared the slice of lime.

  This time, Jessica pulled me back in after she had put the lime down for another kiss. I could still taste the burn of the tequila on her tongue as it twirled around mine.

  “Shall we make this even more interesting, Tessa?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Let’s make a rule that you can only have a shot if you take off a piece of your clothes. We can call it the ‘See how many shots it takes to get naked’ rule.”

  “I think I’m gonna like this rule.”

  Pulling my shirt up over my head, I threw it on the floor. Dressed in only my jeans and glad I hadn’t bothered to put on my bra earlier, I smiled at Jessica. She stood up and unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them down her long legs, and she added them to where I had thrown my shirt. Her thong was green lace and it matched the corset top she was wearing. When she sat down on the couch, she leaned over and captured my nipple in her mouth. After she sucked it into a hard peak, she let go with a loud pop.

  Wanting to see what was under her corset, I slammed my hand down on the coffee table and said, “Now let’s have another Tequila-O!”

  Jessica got the shudders with our third shot, giggled, and said, “Oh, now I get why you call them Tequila-O’s. That shot went right to my pussy.”

  “One of the best feelings in the world,” I said, pouring the next round. It was my turn to take off my pants, so I stood up and pulled them down, adding them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. When I sat back down, Jessica started slowly undoing the clasps that ran the length of her corset. Once she reached the bottom clasp she pulled it open to reveal large round breasts with hard, dark pink nipples. I returned her earlier favor by swirling my tongue around her nipple until I heard her let out a soft moan.

  We were both down to only our lace thongs when Jessica said, “I have an idea for another rule. We can take shots, but we can’t use the shot glasses anymore. Here, let me show you.” She lay down on her back on the couch, grabbed the bottle of Jose, placed a slice of lime on the top of her thong, and poured a small shot into her navel. Catching on quickly, I grabbed the shaker of salt and kneeled on the floor in front of her. Once again, I swirled my tongue around her nipple to get it wet then I lightly dusted it with salt.

  I leaned over to kiss Jessica’s lips and felt her sweet tongue meet mine. I moved down her body, leaving kisses along her collarbone, then took her salted nipple into my mouth. She had to stay very still to keep the warm tequila from running out of the small divot in the middle of her flat stomach, but I knew she wanted to arch her back and push her breasts up to my mouth. I ran my tongue down her stomach to where my Tequila-O was waiting for me. I took my time, lapping the liquid from her navel like a cat enjoying her milk, then moved farther down her body to take the lime wedge into my mouth without using my hands.

  Jessica sat up and announced that it was her turn. She grabbed the bottle of Jose and moved me to lie on the couch. Keeping one of my legs on the floor, she kneeled between my thighs. She mirrored her earlier actions by pouring a shot into my navel and placing the lime wedge near the top of my thong. My nipple puckered in anticipation as she leaned in to lick me, making me wet in more than one place. It tickled when she sprinkled the salt on my nipple and felt so good when she pulled it into her mouth to lick the salt off. She moved down my stomach to quickly suck the tequila out of my navel. Then I saw her head move down to pick the lime up. She bit it gently and then let it fall from her mouth to the floor. Jessica looked up at me before she pulled the lace of my thong down to expose my pussy.

  “I’m still thirsty,” she said as she grabbed the bottle of Jose and poured a small drizzle over the slick skin between my legs. Her head dipped down and she licked at the mound at the top of my clit until she had cleaned it off, and then she repeated the action again, this time dipping her hot tongue between my pussy lips to tease at my clit. I moaned and rocked my greedy hips toward her mouth, telling her I needed more.

  Jessica pulled my panties off and spread my legs open to give herself better access. I felt her mouth lick through my lips, and then she began a gentle suction directly on my clit. She reached up and held the bottle of Jose to my lips, and I took a long pull, the burn from the tequila rushing right to where her lips were sucking. My hands had moved to cup my own breasts, rubbing and pinching at my nipples. My legs began to shake, and I felt the orgasm that had been building explode, sending waves of pleasure from where her mouth was to my fingers and toes.

  Jessica kissed back up my stomach and sat back on her knees.

  “Now that’s what I call a Tequila-O,” I said lazily and we both laughed.

  “Aww, poor Reese is missing out on all the fun. I’m sure he would have loved to have seen your Tequila-O,” Jessica replied.

  “Ya well, part of me is still mad at him, so he can suffer for a bit. Hand over that bottle of tequila and lie down. I’m still thirsty.”

  After I gave Jessica a Tequila-O of her own, we sat and talked for a while. I learned that she and Reese had tried dating when they met but it had been very short-lived. They’d quickly agreed that they weren’t meant to be but had stayed close friends. I told Jessica all about the last time I’d heard Reese’s voice when she was on his bike. We talked about dancing and how Jessica wanted to look into getting started but she was hesitant to uproot herself from the life she had built in Mission Beach. Then I called for a cab, went back to my apartment, and fell into bed.

  I woke the next morning to a persistent knock at my door, and I opened it to find an annoyed courier holding a small box and a clipboard, which he shoved into my hands for my signature. He took the clipboard back and handed me the box before turning to go. I walked back into my apartment and closed the door behind me. Looking down at the unmarked box, I sent a silent prayer that it wasn’t a bomb. I peeled the paper back and opened the box to find a new phone inside with a note.

  Something tells me you will be needing this. I hope you enjoyed your Tequila-O’s last night. Waiting for your call. Reese.

  Jessica
must have told him that I had seen them on the bike and the violent abuse that I had given my phone shortly after. I still needed to process everything that had happened and all the feelings that had rushed through me in the past couple of days before I could talk to him. I didn’t know what to think of the jealousy I had felt when I thought Reese had replaced me with another woman. And I still had to decide if I could bear to see him again knowing that we had an expiration date that was quickly approaching. Maybe it was just better to cut my losses now than let pain seep back into my heart.

  I sat down at my table with the curtains still closed and my cup of coffee, ready to try to sort out the thoughts flying around in my head. Should I risk the pieces that are left of my heart for the chance to spend a few more nights in Reese’s bed or do I tape them together and walk away, hoping that the tape sticks and the pieces begin to mend? Could there be any chance that Reese would want to extend our arrangement? Does he want to talk so we can end things now? And then there was the biggest question of all. When will I admit to myself what my heart already knew back in California—that I’ve hopelessly fallen in love with him?

  My hand was shaking when I picked up what I believed was my fifth—or was it my sixth?—cup of coffee. “Whoa, Tessa, you’ve got the java shakes. Time to cut yourself off,” I said aloud while emptying the cup into the sink. Going back to the table, I saw the box still open, the shiny screen of the phone welcoming me to turn it on. I pushed the power button and watched as the phone lit up. I was surprised to find that the wallpaper was a picture that must have been taken of Reese and me when we were at La Bête. We were standing near the bar and Reese had his arm around my waist, his hand resting at my hip. I was smiling directly at the camera but Reese’s face was turned toward me, looking like he didn’t see anything else.

  “Reese”

  It was a relief when I learned that Tessa’s apartment building was so close to my new shop. It would take me less than two minutes to walk to her. It was both a blessing and a curse to know where she lived. I knew she was safe and sound because I had received the delivery receipt email for the package I had sent her. But knowing she was so close yet I couldn’t touch her was pure torture.